http://www.rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk Satire and entertainment, on masse, in your RSS. en-us tony@rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk tony@rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk Fri, 20 Nov 2007 18:30:00 GMT Fri, 20 Nov 2007 18:30:00 GMT General http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/read.php?id=potential_articles Here at Madman, we're always coming up with whacky ideas. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/read.php?id=worst_college_degrees This isn’t ancient Greece: No one is going to pay you money, or allow you to sodomize their attractive son, in exchange for your knowledge of existence. Never has there been an employer who’s said “Man, we’re having all kinds of problems, I wish we had someone on our team who could reference and draw conclusions from the story of Siddhartha that would pull up our fourth quarter numbers.” I took many philosophy classes and it involved reading and smoking a shit pile of weed. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/read.php?id=five_things_that_would_make_GTA_more_enjoyable Grand Theft Auto is excellent. There is no denying it. IGN gave the game a 10/10. It's fun, it look beautiful, it has a lot of interesting and frankly, cool shit, but could be cooler and more enjoyable. Here are RoaM's top five. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk It's been ages since madman was 'down due to server issues', there was some sort of issues and then we got bored so redesigned the website. Here it is, 22nd April 2008, Madman has been relaunched with lots of new omgawesomestuff. http://www.rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/read.php?id=death_with_dignity Death with Dignity, Inc. is a subscription service that will ease any anxieties you may be harboring about the day you are picked to meet your maker. Death with Dignity, Inc. will help you preserve your image when you are in your most vulnerable and possibly most compromising position: death. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_why_relationships_suck I know the examples used here were all very elaborate but ideas and concepts behind them are all true. It is all relative and it is all a question of your priorities; but even if you consider getting married and living together until you both die a success, how much pointless bull did you have to go through to get that? Say, you have two long term relationships a year and you don't get married until you're 40, starting from 18- the legal age, that's still 44 long-term breakups and over 260 months of waste, when you could have just stopped, relaxed and enjoyed yourself without getting wrapped up in the pseudo-'need'. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_looking_after_your_computer Ronseal (does exactly what it says on the tin). http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_benders_big_score What you need to know about Benders Big Score. I'm not going to review this film, I'm not even going to ruin the ending for you. This is all you need to know. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_video_talking_cats Maximum fluffage. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_benders_big_score What you need to know about Benders Big Score. I'm not going to review this film, I'm not even going to ruin the ending for you. This is all you need to know. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_interview_with_amy_winehouse Her agent invites us to her London flat, where we establish it was a very successful evening. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_transformers_die_hard_on_steroids My friend, a dirty little arab with a unique point of view suggested that they should have made “Cheesebot” who was given the task of saying all the cliché, shitty lines so we wouldn’t hate Optimus Prime for them, we’d hate Cheesebot. Cheesebot would be in charge of saying “Up up and away!” and “Lets lock and load autobots“. This would leave the short amount of screen time that Optimus Prime had for better use- eg, blowing shit up. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_nerds_stop_bitching On every forum, everywhere on the internet exist a group of nerds who insist their opinion is right when it comes to choice of software, operating system, hardware, whatever; computer related things. I'm not talking about the moral and general grumpiness that exists on rantings-of-a-madman. Here, I'm asking these people that you all just quit bitching. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_smoking_is_fantastic I'm here, right now, to defend smoking a little, because smoking has been given a bad reputation recently. As we've all noticed, there's been an outburst of health-freakness recently and somebody needs to stand up for the little, skinny, white guy. Just like you should have done in the school yard, back in the day. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_welcome_to_the_internet_revolution I don't really like to use the world 'revolution' because it reminds me of those losers who wear Che Guevara T-Shirts (by trying to 'stick it to the man', they're in fact, just giving 'the man' their money) but this is what's going on. It's a revolution and with all revolutions, Coup d'états, revolts and transitions, there are people who embrace it and those who fight against it. http://rantings-of-a-madman.co.uk/articles/article.php?id=00_the_war_on_cliche I'm so tired of this annoying, offensive, reductive and patiently un-provable suggestion that men think about sex every 6 seconds. I mean, maybe your averaged bug-eyed 13 year old, still panting from their first bean-flick; they don't have anything else to think about, maybe decorating his room with topless models, all smooth and golden tanned, with meaty breasts and trim little pusses, perhaps with a long bit of auburn hair to twist their long nailed fingers around. But the suggestion that a fully grown man like me (who gets plenty of it regularly, thank you very much) can't go through a tenth of a minute without thinking of the smooth buttocks of that Thai girl who works the chippy on Trafford road and pouring baileys all over her exquisite derriere is an insulting clique perpetrated by women, explicitly to undermined the social and professional credibility of men.